Increasing Sex Drive in a Hectic WorldLet’s face it. The modern world can be really tough on sex drive. Whether it’s busyness in the business realm keeping you flat out (in quite the opposite way to what you’d prefer), relationship issues, general stress, anxiety or depression, there’s a slew of demands on your body and mind to contend with. And let’s not forget the zillion daily reminders, alerts and distractions the age of wireless internet and social media has brought with it!
Thus the question of how to increase sex drive is more and more on everyone’s lips. A recent Australian study found that low sex drive was the most common sexual health problem affected Aussies. 25% of Aussie blokes confessed they’d like to increase their sex drive, compared with 55% of women saying they’d like to increase their sex drive. Dr Elaine George of Sexology Australia says low sex drive is in fact one of the most common complaints amongst the men she sees.
It’s important to distinguish though between low sex drive in men and erectile dysfunction. It’s not uncommon for men who want to increase their sex drive to actually be able to achieve erections, but have simply found their psychological desire to have sex has started flagging a bit. When considering the issue of how to increase one’s sex drive, it’s important to note that physical and psychological arousal are two different things. They don’t always go hand in hand.
How to Increase Sex Drive and Aussie MenMost Aussie men like to think of themselves as red-blooded sexual machines always raring to go, and society and the general media does a lot to reinforce this stereotype. This means it can be tough sometimes for Aussie blokes to admit they’re experiencing low sex drive.
As clichéd as it sounds though, the first step on the road to recovery is admitting you need help. Don’t put it off. Here we present some tips on how to increase your sex drive, and get things in the bedroom back to how they used to be.
Desire Discrepancy – How to Increase Sex DriveOne of the most common reasons Aussies look to increase their sex drive is when a couple is experiencing mismatched libidos—where one partner’s sex drive regularly outpaces the other’s.
This experience is often referred to by sexual health professionals as ‘desire discrepancy’, and according to Aussie experts, desire discrepancy may be just about the most common sexual problems relationships experience. Dr Rosie King’s Good Loving Great Sex is a seminal book on this issue, and recommended reading for any couple that wishes to get and keep a great sex life.
Dr King says the result of this desire discrepancy is something called the pursuer-distancer cycle: where one partner chases sexually and the other flees, usually leading to bitterness and blame on the part of both partners.
To help resolve this issue it’s important for the blame to stop though. Ad after all, everyone involved is losing out on the opportunity to have a good sex. It’s impossible to re-establish intimacy until a willingness to put aside past hurts and mutually change behaviours and attitudes is reached.
How to Increase Sex Drive – What Men Can DoIn most cases, though not in all, the man is more likely to be the pursuer. If you or your partner think this may be you, make an effort to ease up a little, show more empathy and understanding. Pressure is never sexy after all! By showing you care about your partner’s needs and comfort, are willing to work something out that makes both of you happy, and you may notice an increase in sex drive comes naturally from this step alone. This will also help rebuild the trust and closeness of your relationship, another vital step to help increase sex drive.
Another great way to increase sex drive is simple lifestyle changes, such as a better work/life balance, getting regular relaxation and recreation time, exercise, quitting smoking, cutting back on alcohol, improving diet: you’d be surprised at the difference these can make.
Male Sex Drive and TestosteroneFor many men a reduction in testosterone is a key factor behind low sex drive. Millions of men worldwide suffer loss of energy, diminished enthusiasm, as well as low sex drive due to the lower levels of testosterone that accompany aging. One option to combat this is direct testosterone therapy, available in patch form, injections, oral tablets and even time release implants. Another option is supplements containing the herb tribulus terrestris, which lifts testosterone levels by stimulating the body’s own natural production of the hormone.
Of course few things are of more value than a willingness to communicate openly and work together to resolve this issue. If you find this first step difficult, the services of a good Aussie relationship counsellor may prove to be invaluable. And naturally one of the best and most effective steps you can generally take is early intervention. Whatever you do, don’t let the problem fester.
How to Increase Sex Drive – What Women Can DoMany women find themselves playing the part of the so-called ‘distancer’ in sexual relationships. If you find this is you, try to make an effort to show more overt physical affection. Demonstrate a willingness to make changes, which will encourage them to do the same. Above all, remember it’s vital to learn to negotiate sex in such a way that your partner feels you value them sexually and regard their sexual needs as important.
In her book The Bedroom Diaries, Australian sex therapist Bettina Arndt cites American sex therapist Michele Davis, who urged women to “just do it!” Desire is a decision, she claims, suggesting that you can’t wait for it to come, you have to make it happen. In other words, don’t be afraid to schedule in sex!
Don’t fall into the trap of worrying about all the reasons you’re interested in sex has waned either. After all knowing won’t increase your sex drive, but doing something about it will!